Sticky Notes From Alyssa

Dear my later in life Queer and LGBTQIA+ fam, 

Happy Pride! 

I wanted to take a moment and highlight a specific population of folx, those who found their truth later in life. This letter is going to be more vulnerable since it’ll be the first time I am sharing my identity, an identity I have been exploring in my own personal work for the last 2 years. 

I was raised in a very religious and shaming culture, among other traumatic experiences, which directly impacted my willingness and access to exploring my own sexual identity. It wasn’t until a few years ago did I begin to come closer to my true self and find more to be seen. While I am in a straight passing relationship, I know to be true that I am Pansexual. I want to share with all of those who may not have been given the privilege of exploration or access to the internet at such a young age which may have helped them become aware of what was already inside of them. To be queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community is something I am proud of, so many folx have climbed mountains and lost battles to be where they are and have also died trying. 

It’s an interesting experience coming to terms with an identity later in life and it holds its own unique battles/triumphs. For me, I know that my ability to explore and experiment with this identity may be over. As it stands, I am in a monogamous, hetero relationship and I am very happy in this relationship. However, that does not take away the grief for my younger self and the “what could have beens” of the past. I also experience shame and fear of sharing this identity now. Of all times to be doing so, will it be seen as untrue? Will I be seen as pandering to a particular audience? Will I be perceived as an opportunist? And maybe. What other people think of me is none of my business. I also find great expansiveness and settling in this awareness. I have never felt more centered and more accepting of all my parts as I do now. I also am able to relate more genuinely to my queer clients. 

This pride (and every month, day, second in between) I wish you the ability to be authentically you. I send hope and love your way if you are questioning and curious about parts of you that might never have been given a chance. And I wish you safety and security as these times are terrifying for our LGBTQIA communities. 

We hope you find a home with us.